Fundamentally speaking

The questions seem to proceed, in rational order:
Am I alone?
Where is the Other, the self, and the other self?
Are they sustainable?

If we cannot - do not - share in suffering, then do we share? (Is it categorically selfishness to share joy and not pain?)

From where does a conception of duty arise, and to what extent are its boundaries self-determined?


Grace must cover it all over.

Weakness

O God, you chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise;
O God, you chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong!

Authority

"They went to Capernaum, and when the Sabbath came, Jesus went into the synagogue and began to teach. The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law."

(Mark 1:21-22)

Authority: "The power to enforce laws, exact obedience, command, determine, or judge", from French, autorite, "book or quotation that settles an argument," (c. 1230), from
Author: "One who sets forth written statements," from Latin, autor, "father", "one who causes to grow," from Latin, augere, "to increase".

So, authority, at least in some vague etymological degree, means the power or quality of the father. ehhhhh

UCW in the News

"There’s a Korean church on Harrison Street, and it rents space to a nursery school and to the New Haven branch of the Metropolitan Community Church, a gay and lesbian denomination."

Yep... that be us.

-It's a Wonderful Block, New York Times 10/05/2008. Online archive.

you heard it here

I was doing some reading in the Bible this morning and came across this passage in Scripture... then looked at my calendar... then back at this verse.

"From this day on, from this twenty-fourth day of the ninth month, give careful thought to the day when the foundation of the LORD's temple was laid." (Haggai 2:18)

Real Talk. 9/24.

Prostitutes and tax collectors.

[Adapted from correspondence]

At my church this morning, our associate pastor gave a really moving (well, it moved me) sermon about...

OK. To be honest, I was not paying attention during a massive portion of the sermon, because I got like 4 hours of sleep last night during a sleepover at Adam Y-V's house (4 Christian brothers = hallelujah, a Godly confraternity!). I did gather, in between desperate attempts to at least appear attentive, that, in general, the pastor was talking about the salvific power of Christ: how He can reach anybody, regardless of where they are coming from or located at in their lives. A good topic, one with which I'm sure we are all more or less generally familiar. Good stuff, good stuff... but not really one (at least when broadly approached) likely to be provoking a lot of introspection for me (this is a sad truth, and more likely just about my own foolishness than the weightiness of the topic).

But, towards the end of the sermon, the preacher started talking about how the depths of sin from which God had saved him. He is an ex-gangster/drug dealer/adulterer/etc. He's been jailed multiple times. But the point that he kept hammering home was that God had always walked there beside him and before him (that is why we call Him a God that is previous). When he was dealing drugs, God was there with him. When he was sleeping with whoever, God was with him. When he was putting a needle in his arm for drugs, God was there with him. Kanye West might say that Jesus walks... but the truth is, He does so in such thorough ways that we got no clue.

And then the pastor drew a parallel between Jesus' always being with us (even to the end of the age) and Jesus going to be in tax collectors' houses, down to be with them after - and while - they partied. Tax collectors, prostitutes, these were basically the two sides of the "immoral" coin: few men could be more despised than a tax collector, and few women regarded as more shameful or less worthy of respect in that culture. (And of course, we could talk on and on about gender roles in 1st-century Israel/Judea and what it means and signifies that a man would become a tax collector or a woman a prostitute.)

Now, as he started talking about these people with whom Jesus associated himself, my mind started wandering again... but, this time, I think it was a Godly wandering; less a loss of focus than a purposeful redirection of it.

I began recollecting how, so often, I have held a sanitized view of Jesus. About how I intellectually assent to the fact that Jesus hung out with "bad people", but I somehow disengage those "bad people" from their "bad acts" while Jesus was with them. As though He existed in a little bubble of goodness and moral rectitude that somehow charmed the corrupt moral fibre of those around Himself into marginal and temporary sanitation.

But the thing that I realized today was... nope. Basically: the parties to which Jesus went to were not saintly affairs. Jesus hung out with tax collectors. And prostitutes. Let's run over that again:
-Tax collectors (i.e. men who, by virtue of their corruption or/and low moral standards, had a lot of money).
-And prostitutes (i.e. women who, for whatever reason, did... things... in exchange for money).

And ummm... I'm sure that those tax collectors and prostitutes were not just getting together to chill and read the news. While I'm sure that they might have felt ashamed by His presence there - or, more likely, odd and a little weirded out (all ay yo who is that dude hanging out outside talking to everybody but not coming into the party? why isnt he gettin down with the ladies; he shy or gay or somethin?) - but I'm also fairly sure that His presence didn't change all that much of their behavior, and certainly all their behaviors (Isaiah 53:3 - "He was despised, and we esteemed him not").

So this is our God. Going back to a devotional I wrote a little while back, this is our real Hosea: our Christ. He loved each and every one of those people in those parties more than anyone we have ever loved, and he was there to watch them forsake Him for cheap, quick, objectifying lustiness. And He was, so much, Loving Grace, that, instead of fleeing from the scene, unable to handle it, He remained with those people, utterly in love with them.

Can we do this?? I can still remember the dread heartache I felt this one time in high school, when I was dating some girl and she basically started falling for this other guy. I could see it coming, I could hear it on the phone; and she probably could, too. I can still recall so vividly well the sinking emptiness of love taken and rejected; or worse, a love accepted but left without reciprocation.

To use a gross term: love abused.

It's the same feeling you get (well, I do anyhow) when you see that girl (or guy, though I wouldn't know about that.... im guessing it's the same) you have a crush on, or even just sort of fancy, talking a little too closely with some other person, or coming to the party with them, or (ha ha here do I give too much away?) going back and forth avidly from facebook wall to wall with a few too many ;)'s and =)'s for comfort (yeah that was a little of a stalker-ish example. I don't actually do that, promise).

You know that feeling? That hollowness which shakes you in your very heart and to the pit of your stomach? Your very essence of being?

Now imagine Christ - Lover and Husband and Knower of every individual person - not only not avoiding that feeling (magnified by an infinity of comprehension, I'm sure), but seeking it out.

Desiring to give us grace so much that, instead of fleeing when we adulterers approach Him, instead of simply standing still and waiting for us to come to Him, loving these sinners - we prostitutes and we tax collectors - so much that He actually sought them (us!) out, even in the midst of their (our!!) very moment of consummated adultery?

That's a God I can cry out to. That the God whose grace can (and did) bring me to my knees during worship after the sermon, literally crying out for His Cross to be mine. And I hope - I think - that my tears might be the same as those of Mary Magdalene (also a woman with a sordid past... as are we all [not women. Having sordid pasts.]), which watered His sore feet.

This is the God who is seeking me out, to embrace me, as I go to Internet sites that I shouldn't go to, or talk to girls that I don't really need to be talking to, in ways that I don't really need to be talking, about things that don't really deserve discussion.
This is the God who is desiring me, when I'm obsessing over clothes, or money, or sneakers, or any of a thousand other things which could be good but are too-often idols.
This is the God who loves me when I commit adultery with the manifold succubi of my own creation;
and one day, one day soon, one day already, this is the God whose love will be so greatly and obviously revealed to me that I will finally turn back and fall in love with that God once and for all.

Visions of Seoul II

As I rode the subway from Hongdae, where I collected my recently-stamped passport, to Gangnam, the site of Sandi and my scheduled rendezvous, a young mother and her daughter walked onto the middle of my already-crowded car, child clinging to her mother's hem.

I'd previously been noticing the man next to me reading his Bible, thumbing through Judges - somewhere around chapter 11 or 12. He noticed the young girl standing in front of him and I felt him prepare to rise; I followed suit, so as to enable her mother to sit beside her.

However, upon rising, I glimpsed peripherally a well-dressed middle-aged women, who had been standing to my right, cut in behind me. From my standing vantage point, I watched her dig through her Louis Vuitton carryall and pull out a yellow-covered book, beginning to read. I peeked at the exposed page of her book: a Korean Bible. The mother stood in front of her sitting child as the car gradually filled up with teenagers, salarymen, and mothers.

My stop drawing near, I took a place near the door, anticipating our arrival. The same well-dressed woman pushed her way through the other travelers waiting to disembark, Louis bag swinging coolly from the crook of her arm. As the doors parted, mutely servile, she strutted out. High heels clacked rhythmically against the wet marble of the subway station as the woman cut her way through the crowd, where I lost sight of her.

Reflections on the Seoul morning.

(Adapted from correspondence)

A thought at 6:40 AM.

Just a quick thought, not really a devotional.

I was just walking along the street this morning alternately praying and singing quietly. The 6 AM street in my corner of Seoul is bright - a touch hazy - quiet and cool. Older men and women wander the streets, but I live in a low-traffic suburb so, by and large, I was alone with my thoughts and my God.

Walking along, I was struck by the way that God has constantly been using ongoing relationships between myself and non-Christian friends to continually draw me closer to Him.

It can be incredibly frustrating to see close friends go through recurring struggles with sin. But I can't help but be awed and astonished at how uniquely God reveals Himself through seeing my friends' struggles with themselves and their compulsive needs to rely on inadequate sources of succor. I see truth occasionally breaking through in moments of honesty and reflection, and this must be exactly the same way that God sees me struggling with myself and my foolish, contemptible pride.

The life of the Old Testament prophet Hosea is one of my favorite stories in the Bible, hands down. Dude was a prophet and God had him marry a mad um loose woman. Why? "The people in this land have acted like prostitutes and abandoned the Lord." Burned.

God had Hosea go out and marry an unfaithful woman precisely so that he would have a personal experience of sin, from the other side. So often we sin and see the grievous marks it leaves on our own souls and lives; sometimes, even, we get a glimpse of what it means to grieve God or the Spirit, and we get a jolt of repentance and humility from that. But to understand Sin, even if only briefly and vaguely, from the point of the person pursuing the lost, rather than being pursued as the lost, is also a great (and terrible) gift.

I'm not advocating going out and trying to fall in love with/marry/invest in the most tragic person you can, simply to have an experience of what it's like to be God. That sounds vaguely blasphemous, if not explicitly foolish.

But I think God does sometimes put us in situations where He desires to teach us some specific lesson about what it means to Trust Him and, yes, even to Be Him (this is the same reason that the "Dark Night of the Soul" and the stigmata are considered gifts in various Christian traditions: they are experiences that allow us to partake in Christ's suffering and share a deeper understanding of His spirit).

I've heard multiple sermons about how difficult it can be to raise children without the assurance that they will follow after the Lord.

In the same way, it can be incredibly difficult to be so deeply invested in a person, without any assurance that they will be able to bring themselves to care about their own future. There is a lot that I have seen friends do, see them continue to do, and know that they will do that grieves me personally and spiritually; and I can only imagine how deeply it grieves our Maker.

But if I myself have sinned as much as I have, and yet God loves me; and yet He loves me; and yet again He loves me; then who am I to not extend that same forgiveness? And, in extending it, I feel some of the joy - and deep tragedy - of what it means to love an as-yet unregenerate soul; I can only imagine what it is to be really in love with every one of those souls. I know I couldn't bear it.

So, it's a good thing that I don't have to; not alone, anyways.

A thousand times I've failed;
still, your mercy remains;
Should I stumble again,
still, I'm caught in your grace.

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

This is LOVE!

(adapted from correspondence)

There is one thing that has weighed heavy on my mind over the last day or two, even though it's actually fairly silly: having arriving in Korea, surveying my schedule and financial situation, and weighing the costs and benefits, I am looking into going to Beijing/北京 for the week after I finish my job, to catch up with my rap crew and also several other close friends.

However, for several reasons (needing to move my initial flight from Seoul to the States back one week, needing to get a Chinese tourist visa, the costs of international flight, the stupid OLYMPICS [ugh], etc. ad infinitum), this is an incredibly painstaking endeavor. But God has been really using this intensity to teach me something. And this is it.


This is God's mercy and grace: if I lose all I possibly could, I would still have more than I could ever discover.


And this is why I've been thinking about this.

Making travel plans sucks, especially for me. I am a pretty frugal guy - some might say stingy, and they wouldn't be wrong - and when I get into the details of visa fees, airport taxes, scheduling flights, application paperwork, comparative shopping, et cetera., et cetera., et cetera., I am able to grow thoroughly obsessed with saving $10 here or $30 there. I hate spending money that I don’t need to: sometimes it seems that my absolute greatest nightmare would be to find out that, for instance, I booked a flight too late, and wasted $200 that didn’t need to be spent. So, for all of my free time today*, I was calling, researching, and emailing travel agents to find out who could get me the absolute lowest price on an air ticket. (*I used my phone so much that I ran out of prepaid minutes… adding another stress: wasting $18)

And it was thoroughly unhealthy. Why was I doing this? Not because I wanted to save money for God's kingdom: because I was, in a very real way, making an idol of money. The thought of spending $20 that I didn't need to began to seem like blasphemy to me.

For those who haven't seen me when I get really anxious or concerned about something, I grow amazingly obsessive about that matter, until it is either resolved or has passed (side note: these issues ALWAYS resolve, and always in my favor. God's track record in my life is something on the order of 13241451:0).

In such cases, I am a perfect antithesis of Matthew 6:25:

"Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food?"

OK. I'm usually not particularly obsessed about food. But this is the nature of anxiety: when you are anxious about something, that one thing becomes the single most important focus of your life.

Imagine a man starving in the wilderness. His life, his survival, his continued existence, is reduced to one factor: food. If he finds food, even one morsel, he will continue to live; if he fails to do so, he will surely cease to be.

The psychology of anxiety, at least speaking for me, is such that, if I am anxious about something, it consumes my mind in this very same way (and I suspect it is so for many of us). I focus on it to the exclusion of all else: success or failure in this one arena becomes the be-all and end-all of who I am. It becomes, in a real way, my identity: have I beaten this problem, or have I been vanquished by it?

Isn't that idolatry? Yes, and I'm sure there are whole books to be written on that, indicting us for our blasphemy of God. But this is not what I am concerned with here; this is what I find so urgent in this situation:


If I truly love God, this anxiety is foundless! It has no basis.


I grow anxious over things - money, friends, a job, travel plans, etc. - because I begin to think, without this, I cannot proceed with my life. Why does someone worry when they might get kicked out of a house? Because life requires a place to live! Why worry when you feel that you don't have a single friend? Because life without friends is not worth living!


But this is the miracle of God's love: If I have it, and it alone, I still have more than I could ever know.


And neither life, nor death, nor things present, nor things to come, nor things in heaven, nor things on earth, not ANYTHING can take God's love from me! (paraphrasing Romans 8:38)

Ms. Joshu I Sky AKA elee AKA esta! posted a quote on her blog (sorry to blow up ya spot est) a while ago, from German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer: "The darkest of dark cannot extinguish the light of a single flame."

-So what if I don't get a ticket to China?

-So what if, for whatever reason, I get ripped off and lose all the money I worked all summer to earn?

-So what, actually, if I die, and never return to the States?

If my love for Christ is like a "single flame," then these darknesses will pass over it and never disturb the one thing that matters, matters more than I can understand!


This is God's love: was I to lose all I ever could, I would still have more than I could ever know.


Is that not great?

I wandered home from work today with a head full of neurotic wonderings: If I move my Saturday lunch appointment from 11 AM to 10 AM, I can be in Hongik by 1 PM, talk to the travel agent… If I work 3 extra 40-minute shifts for each remaining week, I will earn 3 shifts * 30 dollars/shift * 7 weeks more, which will subsidize X amount of travel… If I… and if I… and if I….

But then God nudged me: Who are you, to accomplish anything?

Yes, I hope to go to Beijing, and this hope requires me to be diligent in researching and understanding my options. But this endless speculation, this iterated mulling over of financial matters, this is not diligence: this is self-absorbed “chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 1:17).

Ultimately, I will probably wind up finding a flight to Beijing for a fair price (also, a fare price.... get it? a ha ha.), going, having a good time, traveling smoothly back to Seoul, and returning to the States in time for the first week at Yale.

But what if every one of those steps goes wrong?


My life would still be fuller and better than I deserve, than I know, that my human hopes could encompass.


.


I love you all. Surrender to God. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and your journeys will be impossibly beautiful.

Your brother,
-jglc

Satisfaction

Satisfaction.

From where does it arise?
Fulfillment of our purpose.

What is our purpose?
To glorify God.

How do we glorify God?
By showing Him to be worthy.

What is worthy?
God Himself is worthy.

So how do we glorify God?
We show Him to be precisely Who He Is.

How do we do this?
We surrender.
-He desires to make us into His Word - the very image of Christ, who is also "the image of the invisible God"

And so this is the greatest exercise of free will: to surrender our freedom to choose to sin, and to take up the freedom of being used by God

So this, then, is satisfaction: To surrender our very being up as God's instrument.

On Melodies

me (11:24:32 PM): one of the things about breaking the harmony...
me (11:24:35 PM): the more and more you do it
me (11:24:40 PM): the less dischordant the noise sounds.

[Xanga] OutKast Theology

a bit of theology from Andre3000 (aka Three Stacks):

"If what they say is, 'nothing is forever', then what makes... love the exception?
"so why oh why... are we so in denial if we know we're not happy here?" - Hey Ya

One day I am going to use that quote in a talk, i just know it.

[Xanga] Thanks, Billy

Billy: yeah well just something i've been challenged with lately is:

if everything that you hope to happen happens perfectly, if it all comes out for the good, does that mean that God is blessing you?

1:03 AM me: oh yeah

i been thinking on that too

ironic, because then God pushes me to live it out

Billy: right, i think you said it perfectly in your xanga, and i was actually really encouraged by that

1:04 AM

me: sigh. yeah... i guess one thing that is interesting

is that i never lost faith this time

but it was more just like... getting the wind knocked out of me

like you know, a boxer

the difference between a rookie who gets knocked out and thinks he can't never box no more

and a more seasoned dude who gets KO'd but knows he can go back in

i felt more like that

[Xanga] EPIPHANY (shit hits the fan)

Who hated Jesus's message the most?

Who was it that killed Jesus?


Religion.



"If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin." (John 15:20-22)

True followers of Christ are promised the hatred of the world: "friendship with the world is enmity with God" (John 4:4).

If we are really and readily following Christ's example, who is it that will despise us?

Who is them? Who is the world?

Simply: whoever hated Christ.

Not the guilty; not the sinners.


Ought we fear the righteous; may we even rejoice in their censure?

[Xanga] When I hate the church: my UCW senior testimony

[Prelude: This Sunday, I gave my senior testimony at the United Church of Westville, my home church at Yale.
Senior testimonies are a tradition at UCW; an opportunity for outgoing seniors to think over our time here, reflect on the changes that God's brought about in our lives, and pass along whatever small encouragement or exhortations for living life - at Yale, as well as throughout the rest of our activities and communities - with which we've been entrusted, for those we love. This is the text of my testimony; I departed from it in actual reading, but the intent, thoughts, and spirit is here.]

As an introduction, I have to say this: I love this church. I love most of you here very deeply, and those whom I don’t, I’m sorry. I wish that I did; I know that Jesus, whom I love deeply, loves you deeply, enough to die for you (if he did do what I think he did). My not loving you is not because I think you’re a bad person; If I’ve failed to love you, I’m at fault. I’m a sinner.

Nothing that I say is directed at any individual: I hope nobody feels like I’m trying to single you out or correct your behavior. That’s not my place, and that’s not my hope. This is, to quote Jay-Z on The Blueprint, “just my thoughts; only my thoughts”. When I think back on my time at UCW (and look forward to the future), this is what lies on my heart.

I love this church, the people that you see around you; people who I have loved and who have since graduated; people who aren’t here today, but whose hearts and lives are being and have been changed by the love that is evidenced everyday in this community. That’s why I’m so glad to see people here who are my dear friends, who don’t often – if ever – come to this place: I think it’s a good place. I think it is a place where Jesus is.

I love what I’ve seen in this church and what it can and could be, which is why I also hate being here sometimes.

I’m tired of accepting, of settling, of making excuses for our corporate and individual sins. I’m tired of the hypocrisy, in myself and others, that I’ve seen exposed, in seemingly-never-ending layers. I’m sick of having to see those of us who’ve been privileged enough to experience the greatest love of all be inactive in our community, complacent in our faith, and weak in our spirits. I hate seeing what the church really is: tired, sick, sinful people with selfish, foolish, draining demands. I’ve seen people that I respect give until they’re drained dry; give until they can’t bear to give any more, and still that wasn’t enough to turn the tide. The church is broken; the church is human; But how can it possibly be that we who claim to be presenting the words and life and ministry of Jesus Christ to a needy world so often turn our backs on one another; so often simply disregard the wants and even the needs of others, in favor of platitudes and empty boasts of salvation through our faith? Faith without works is dead; love without obedience and care is merely self-gratification.

Last Easter Sunday, a man came to our service. I don’t know if he was homeless; I do know that he needed money enough to come disrupt our service with his requests for aid. We gave him what we could; some food and, I think, money. It wasn’t enough for him, so he hung around through lunch, asking us to do chores for money, to give him some cash, whatever. He was pretty insistent, a real distraction; an annoyance. But what someone told him was what will stick with me forever: Fed up with the man’s requests for money, one member of the congregation spit out at him: “Why should we help you?”

I hate situations like that, and I think I know why. There are two reasons: First, I hate seeing who people really are, because it reminds me of who I really am. This is who I really am: I wake up in the morning and put on my headphones, then walk down Elm Street to class, thinking at every person that I see: you in my way, and I don’t like you. This is the sinner that I am, that I see reflected in every sin that I see around me, and it saddens me. This is the poorly-hidden skeleton in my closet: I am a jerk, and I don’t like people.

And sometimes this unworthiness... it makes me wish that Jesus hadn't died for me. For us. For any of us.

Because He doesn't deserve this.

He doesn't deserve what we put Him through. I think of me turning my hat down and walking a little faster around the corner with the burrito cart on it so that I don’t have to talk to Annette, the woman many of us call the “flower lady”. I think of lying to Joe, a homeless guy I know, when I have five dollars in my pocket, but I want that money for myself, so even though he hasn’t eaten in two days, and I know he hasn’t, because that dude is skinnier than anyone I know, I lie to him and I tell him that I don’t have any money, because he knows that I normally don’t have money and, besides, he’s so used to asking people for money and getting turned down, plus I know the fact that I looked him in the eye when I lied to him, like he’s a person and not an obstacle on the sidewalk, was enough to assuage my conscience that I did right by him.

How could this be what Jesus meant when he told us: “If you love me, feed my sheep”? How could this possibly be what Jesus died for? How could this spirit that we see among us be what Jesus meant when he said, “My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.”? We’re great at taking freshmen out for meals; for late-night snacks; for trips off-campus. But when it comes to serving someone less interesting, or less fun, or less convenient, or more familiar? Silence.

And I say that I will give my life to serve this church, to build into it, to develop it? Am I stupid? Or just lazy, and I’m trying to soothe my conscience, and, though I don’t like to work for money, I figure I don’t mind working for my salvation; or at least to deceive myself into thinking that I’ve become a new man, a saved man.

Romans 2:15 says “they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.” I wish my thoughts defended me; I wish “the requirements of the law” were in my heart, but all I hear is the never-ending roar of accusations against me.

I hate this. I hate every time that I see the resignation that I sometimes feel reflected on another’s face. We got accustomed to starting service 5 minutes late, then 10, then 15. I got used to showing up for the early van to church 5 minutes late, then 10, then, hey, I can always catch the second ride. I’ve become resigned to seeing fewer and fewer people turn out for church activities as the semester wears on, because, oh, it’s to be expected; people at Yale are busy, after all. We’re just grateful that people stop by church when they have the time, when there’s not an interview, or a meeting, or a tryout, or too much studying to do, or sleep to catch up on.

And when I sleep through a Bible study or a meeting, hey, it’s okay, we all do it. I’ll do better next time. It seems sometimes that we prioritize everything in our lives over Christ, who fades into some kind of default, wallpapering our schedule: if there’s not an engaging distraction or important meeting, then pursue God; but if there is something actually important, Christ can always wait. After all, there will always be another Bible study; another church service; another service trip; another quiet time; another passage of Scripture. How can this be the Christian life?

Okay. By now, you all get the point that this church, this religion, my sinfulness, they’ve all worn me out. Multiple times. But still, I’m not only committing to spending two more years here, but then three in seminary; then a lifetime in church ministry. This is foolishness; you think it, I admit it. I say it to myself, reproachfully, like I imagine some of you are thinking to yourselves: If the church discourages him so much, he should just shut up, stop whining, and get out of here. Care a little bit less – maybe put a little bit more distance between myself and this community. Why does it matter? After all, we evangelicals are so fond of saying that it’s our “personal relationship with Christ” that matters, and not anything else; why should I let someone else, or even a community of others, stand between me and Christ?

It matters, because I’ve seen what this church can be. What it has been for me; what it could be for others.

At the Thanksgiving service last semester, right before leaving for break, Pastor Kang asked the college students present to introduce ourselves and why we like UCW. That day, I didn’t say that I like UCW; I said that I love UCW, because I have seen God’s love here.

I love UCW; often, I like it. Often, I dislike it. But I love it, because it’s loved me; even more importantly, I’ve seen it love others.

That’s it, really. That’s the only answer that I have. I could retell stories – of walking to the pond at midnight during retreat; walking to East Rock on the coldest morning I’ve ever felt, just to see the Easter sunrise; late nights with Victor, and Ray, and Lee-shing, and many others, talking about whatever; the time I saw Carol during winter break, and it felt so good to see a familiar UCW face; dating Janice, then, even better, no longer dating Janice, but continuing to pray and read the Bible with her and grow in friendship – the list would go on and on, but none of the stories are particularly good, and none of them would be told as well as Dan could tell them.

I’ve been rather discouraged, recently. I’ve been wrestling with the notions of church and Gospel. But that’s not important now, we can discuss that some other time; what’s important is that I’ve been feeling, as I said earlier, that this church that you see before you – these human imperfections – could not possibly be what Jesus wanted His body to be. What He died to establish.

Some of the worst was Saturday afternoon. I was in a Bible study – with Ray, Josh Au, and Eric Klein – and I couldn’t concentrate. The modern church, not to mention UCW in particular, far from the strong reminder of the might of God’s love, seemed like every wrong caricature of Christianity to me. I left early, ran a few errands, then had to head over and lead Alpha Bible Study. I got there and turned on my computer, starting to write this exact testimony. Ten minutes after we were supposed to start, no one was there; I figured this was just another UCW no-show event. No surprise. But then two of the freshmen guys showed up, and we started talking about Christ and Christianity.

Telling them the story of the Church through the ages; of Paul, of Peter, of the law; of Jesus and His parables and healings, made me remember why I love Christ. That they were late didn’t matter; what mattered was, they were here, now, and we were speaking about things that do matter. Then one of the freshmen girls showed up, and we continued to talk; she asked, why Christianity? Why choose this, out of all religions, when there are miracles and goodness and ethics in each? My answer to her was really an answer to myself: it’s not about them being wrong and us being right. It’s about Christ having loved us; so, regardless of what anything else says, I love him back, wherever I find Him.

I love this church, because Christ is love. This community is often loving; but then, often it is not. That doesn’t matter: the same is true of me. What is important is that I have seen the loving spirit of Jesus Christ at work in this community. I see it when I hear Josh Williams tell me about how excited he is about the living faith of Barack Obama; I see it when I see the quiet dedication of Lee-shing and Victor to fulfilling their commitments; I see it when I see Emily taking freshmen out to eat, or Joe Oh basically giving his life up for the Red Cross and Relay and whatever else, despite grumbling about it the whole time.

This church does, and will continue to, disappoint me, sadden me, and shake my faith. A lot. But Christ never does anything but draw me to Him; and He has chosen to make His home in this place. I don’t know why, but I’m thankful that He has. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” I’m a sinner; We’re all thorough sinners here, in need of full pardons. And this is why I love this church and remain here: not because we’re sinless, but because Christ is, and because He is here. Wherever He is, that’s the only place that I need to find.

[Xanga] A Personal Statement of Faith - Draft

I'd appreciate feedback on any or all of this statement. It's a work in progress - I tried to support most of it Biblically, and address as many issues of faith and doctrine as I could, but I'm certain there are things that I forgot/overlooked/am too ignorant about to have anything to say. It's something I'd always wanted to get around to, and now I'm doing it as part of the materials for raising support for my post-graduation internship in the church.

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Personal Statement of Faith

Jesus Christ

I believe that Jesus Christ is and was fully God (John 8:58, Acts 13:38) and fully man, with all human emotions (John 11:35, etc.), limitations, and experiences, having taken ?voluntarily and willingly ?upon himself human form (Phil. 2:7), in order to, in some way, enable fallen men to come before God the Father (John 14:6). I believe that the life of Yeshua bin Yusuf, Jesus the legal son of Joseph, is a historical fact, including his birth to Mary, Joseph wife (Luke 1-2), his life, ministry, death (as related by the Jewish historian Josephus, as well as the four Gospels of the New Testament), resurrection, and ascension (Luke 24). I believe that he will come again at the end of history to judge the living and dead (Revelation 20:11-15).

I believe that Jesus Christ is the Messiah attested to by the Jewish prophets and prefigured by Jewish law. I believe that fulfillment and happiness lies in a personal relationship of gratitude towards, love for, and obedience to Christ (John 14:15). The characterization of Christ and His teachings that I have seen revealed in Scripture, meditation, and prayer is one of peacemaking, love, sacrifice, righteousness, and humility (Matt. 5:1-14). I believe that Christ has been eternally and everlastingly present in relationship with the Father and the Holy Spirit.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the most important element of Christianity: acceptance of the truth of His miraculous birth, life of love and guidance, sacrificial death, and miraculous resurrection and ascension is critical for a Christian believer, second only to a personal understanding and experience of His person (Romans 8:1-8).

God the Father

I believe in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, who created all things (Genesis 1-2), and is omnipresent (Ps. 139:7), omnipotent (Eph. 3:20), and omnibenevolent (Ps. 18:30). I lean towards a limited view of omnipotence (i.e., that omnipotence is limited to those actions logically possible), because I believe that God will, sovereign over all things, allows his willing self-limitation, though I am also open to an unlimited view of omnipotence. I take a skeptical view of open theism, and lean rather towards a belief in an atemporal God, who is not constrained to experiencing and moving through time in the same manner that we do. I believe that shalom (completeness, wholeness, rightness) and goodness are tied to and defined by the character and being of God.

I believe that the perfection of God encompasses many attributes, including (but not limited to) His perfect mercy, grace, love, justice, gentleness, forgiveness, and strength. I believe that God desires for all created beings to be in a loving relationship with Him, through Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 5:21) and the Holy Spirit, and for all creation to give Him praise and rejoice in Him eternally, and that these goals are accomplished through His grace given to mankind (James 1:17).

The Holy Spirit

I believe that the Holy Spirit is and has been present and active in the world (Genesis 1:2), and is so in the hearts and lives of men and women. I believe that the continual indwelling of the Holy Spirit is a gift unique to the Christian believer (Acts 2:18), but that the Spirit may also come upon those who do not have a relationship with Christ (Acts 2:17), in order to stir them to action, reveal truth to them, or otherwise act in their lives. I believe that many functions of the Spirit are revelatory, including revealing sin, the need for salvation, the comfort of belief in Christ, etc. I believe that the Spirit, like Christ and the Father, has been eternally present in relationship to Christ and the Father. At the moment, I hold to no view on the doctrine of procession and the filioque clause, though I recognize the necessity for a Christian in ministry or position of spiritual authority to have understood and acknowledged the historical and theological difficulties associated with that debate, and to have prayerfully considered them.

The Trinity

I believe that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are simultaneously one being and three entities, the mystery of the three-in-one relationship extant therein uncomprehensible to human minds. I believe that it is fundamentally important to emphasize the monotheism of Christianity and also to emphasize the relational aspect of the three entities within the Trinity, and view as heresy any theology that claims Trinitarianism as a polytheistic doctrine, or the nature of God to be less than three-in-one, or any member of the Trinity to be less than fully God. It is important, too, to emphasize that the Trinity is a Biblical concept (Matt. 28:19). I believe that the Godhead possesses and defines all Good characteristics, including male and female attributes. As such, though I see God as male because of His self-revelation as such through Jesus Christ and Christ descriptions of His Father, I also emphasize the need for a subtle view of gender roles and characteristics of the Godhead (Is. 55:8-9).

Man

I believe that man was created in the image of God , and that the purpose of man existence is to praise God, to e His glory? and to rejoice in Him throughout eternity.

I believe that the fundamental problem of man, and consequently the universe, is sin, defined as ebellion, conscious or unconscious, against the will of God, and pursuit of an end other than the fulfillment of that will?(Isaiah 53:6). I believe that the ultimate origin of sin is one of the unknowable mysteries of the Bible, but fully affirm that God is not, in any way, responsible for its creation. I believe that men are, as a species, sinful (Romans 5:12), but that the sin nature is not essential to man nature, but rather a perversion of the true nature of man, the template of which has only been seen in history in the fully human Jesus Christ (Romans 6:5). I affirm the stewardship of man over all of creation (Gen. 1:28). I believe that man was created with real free will (Deut. 30:16-17), but that this is reconcilable with the sovereignty of God (Eph. 1:4).

I affirm that no man can, by virtue of his own efforts, be blameless before God (Romans 3:23), but that all men may, through an acceptance of Christ sacrifice, find salvation and eventual restoration to an eternal relationship with God (Romans 6:11, John 3:16).

I condemn Gnosticism, and any theology that proclaims humans or the human Christ to be disembodied and only spiritual beings (1 John 5:6): I affirm embodiment as characteristic of humanity, and the fundamental ontology of human beings to be both physical body as well as disembodied soul, both of which are present in our earthly journey and will be present, in a changed form, after the resurrection (1 Cor. 15:35-54).

Other Beings/Angelology and Demonology

I believe that there are such beings as angels (Luke 1:26, Matthew 1:20, Mark 8:38, etc.) and devils (Jude 1:6), including Satan. I believe that all things are created by God. I believe that the primary purpose of angels, as revealed in Scripture, is to present the will or messages of God. I believe that men may be, have been, and used to be tempted, accused, and possessed by demons, but that their powers are limited by the loving will of God. Most of all, however, I acknowledge the scarcity of Biblical information on the subject of angels and demons, and, at the moment, remain hesitant to judge otherwise-Biblical theologies for any particular doctrine of such beings.

Salvation/Soteriology

I believe that salvation, the removal of an individual man or all men from a state of sinfulness and distance from God, was accomplished through the atoning death of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 9:21-28), and is effected in each individual life only through the power of the blood of Christ to place an individual under the aw of the Spirit?(Romans 8:1-2). I lean towards the view that salvation is only effected by a life-changing, conscious understanding of the necessity of Christ death and the subsequent establishment of a personal relationship between the individual and Christ, but remain curious about certain theologies (such as those of Karl Rahner) which proclaim that the gift of Christ sacrifice may be accepted unconsciously in certain special circumstances (especially in consideration of Romans 2:12-16). Above all, I see the Church, in proclaiming the message of Christ death, as God chosen people in this age, to carry the message of salvation throughout the world (Matt. 16:18, Eph. 5:23-27).

I believe that salvation is an internal transformation with external consequences; that, at the moment of salvation, the believer in Christ is justified and sinless in the eyes of God, but that this inward justification will be confirmed by outward signs (James 2:20). I believe that the signs of each inward transformation are highly variable, and cannot be enumerated specifically, but that common to every actually saved believer is a love for God and, thereby, an increasing obedience to and awareness of the fullness of God commandments (John 14:15, 1 John 3:18).

I believe in Heaven as a real place, in the eternal and everlasting presence and glory of God, made beautiful by that presence. I believe in Hell as a place of eeping and gnashing of teeth?(Matt. 13:42, Luke 13:27) and of utter and truest darkness (Jude 1:6). I believe that the ultimate decision regarding salvation is, has been, and always will be dependent on the judgment of God (Rom. 2:16). Regarding any sort of theology of predestination or double predestination, I remain undecided, though I do reassert the sovereignty of God will as an element of any theology.

The Scriptures

I believe that Scripture is God-inspired (literally, od-breathed?, a source of divine revelation, and useful for many types of teaching and learning (2 Tim. 3:16). I affirm the infallibility of Scripture, but draw a distinction between infallibility and inerrancy; I remain undecided on, leaning towards denial of, inerrancy. I believe that any part of Scripture may be understood by anyone, irrespective of their level of understanding or knowledge, through the revelation of the Holy Spirit. Despite this, I believe that it is important for the Christian believer to desire to increase his or her personal understanding of the textual and cultural context of every part of the Bible, because I believe that it is critical for the reader to approach the Bible from a place of humility: in pursuing scriptural revelation, one ought to approach the text with an attitude of humility, eager for correction and teaching, rather than an attitude of pride, eager to see in the Scriptures what the reader has already decided ought to be there, in order to avoid the possibility of subscribing to a self-centred, rather than God-centred, understanding of the Bible.

I believe that the Scriptures were written by sinful, imperfect men, inspired by perfect God, and translated/transcribed by such men. As such, I understand the difficulties inherent in accepting any one translation of the Bible, and suggest that Christians take seriously, and use for reference, the various legitimate competing vernacular texts. I do not think that it is incumbent upon every Christian to achieve any level of understanding of Hebrew or Greek, but affirm that any believer desiring to pursue hermeneutics or Biblical exegesis beyond a basic level should consider strongly pursuing such capabilities.

I have little understanding of the Apocrypha, but lean towards the Protestant view of the Biblical canon: 66 books, with the books of the Apocrypha as useful but non-authoritative works. I strongly believe in the historicity and historical verifiability of the canonical books, and view the Gnostic Gospels and other similar non-canonical works claiming Scriptural status as heretical. I believe that commentaries and other writings can and should be used to gain perspective of the words of Scripture, but that ultimate authority in interpreting Scripture lies in the Holy Spirit.

Prayer

I believe that prayer may take many forms (intercessory, petition, praise, thanksgiving, confession, etc.), but that all prayer is fundamentally a dialogue with God, modeled on the Apostles?Prayer (Matt. 6, Luke 11) laid out by Christ for His disciples. I believe that a strong prayer life includes not only spoken or explicit communications with God, but also extends into the manner and details of one life and daily activities: in such a manner, I believe that one may learn to ray ceaselessly?(1 Thess. 5:17) and thereby be in continual communication with God.

Because of verses such as 1 Thessalonians 5:17 and stories such as those in Daniel 6, I think that prayer is not only beneficial to the Christian believer and a natural complement to his or her theological growth, but that the believer is called to regularly come before God in prayer, as an individual and corporately with others. In fact, I believe that it is in prayer for and with others that the work of the Spirit to create bonds between brothers and sisters of the Church is best done.

I tend to pray to God the Father, but believe that prayers to Christ and the Holy Spirit are not heterodox. I view prayers to Mary, canonized Saints, and any other entities as unbiblical, and am strongly cautious about condoning views of prayer which would see such prayers as an major part of the expression of the Christian faith.

The Church/Ecclesiology

I believe that the writings of the Desert Fathers and early Church leadership should be taken seriously as guides to church polity and governance, but that the ultimate guide to the direction and structure of the Church is the leading of God, revealed to those called as members of the Body of Christ (Eph. 4:4-6).

One area of doctrine that I have been wrestling with over the last two years is that of church structure and definition. I believe that there are two churches: the earthly church, comprised of those who claim to accept Jesus Christ as son of God and Lord of their lives, and the true Church, comprised of those . Not all of those who publicly proclaim to be in the church are truly so (Gal. 2:4), and I think it is possible that there are those who will never proclaim to be in the church who are (Rom. 2). However, I wonder how important a well-defined structure is to the functioning of the Church and the entrance of the Kingdom of Heaven into the hearts and lives of the secular world. On the one hand, I believe that God is a God of precision and exactitude (as demonstrated in Gen. 6, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, etc.), and that this is reflected in His revealed will. On the other hand, I also believe that God reasoning and plans are inscrutable to man (Is. 55:8-9), and that His secret will is thus unknowable. In-part because of this view of God will, I think that it is important to emphasize the need for a historically grounded, highly structured, organized church, adaptive to contemporary needs and worldviews, while also emphasizing the need for a highly flexible parachurch, often less-grounded in church history and organized around specific goals and theological emphases. The question of how to support and be active in both, or which to emphasize over the other, is one on which I still have much thinking to do.

My uncertainty regarding the various ways of structuring the Church also pertains to the ordination of pastors, ministers, and priests. At the very core, I see the role of pastor or Church leader as a God-given ability (Eph. 4:11), to be used for the advancement of the Kingdom of God and the salvation and growth of Christians. The question of the Church role in discovering, nurturing, training, and promoting these gifts is also one on which I desire to spend much time, along with the questions of who ought to be permitted to teach, preach, or be publicly acknowledged as a minister.

I believe that the Church should be present in every day of a believer life, in common prayer, fellowship, eating, worship, and shared experiences (Acts 2:42-47). The Sabbath day of rest, moved from the modern Saturday to Sunday, having been chosen by the historical Catholic church as the day of assembly, should be honored both in order to deepen the fellowship and faith of the individual believer as well as the congregation of all saints as well as to follow a God-ordained model (Heb. 10:25, Mark 2:27, Gen. 2:2).

I believe that many spiritual gifts (1 Cor. 12, Romans 12, Eph. 4) are granted to different individuals. I tend to lean away from charismatic understandings of spiritual gifts, and am partial to a cessationist view, but openly seek further conviction on these matters.

Evangelism

I believe that evangelism ought to be approached as the good proclamation of a good message (eu-, ood?or ell?+ angelos, essenger?or essage?, and that it is among the joyful, central, duties of all believers in Christ (Matt. 28:16-20). I believe that evangelism will take many forms, including lifestyle witness, initiative outreach, ministries within the church, overseas missions, etc (1 Cor. 9:22). Most importantly, however, any form of evangelism is effective only through the grace of God and the work of the Spirit in men lives and hearts.

I also place critical emphasis on the fact that we, as followers of Christ, ought to strive to bring our personal spiritual lives into consistency with our proclamations of the Gospel and the truths revealed to us through prayer, meditation on Scripture, and other believers, in order to present a broad witness of the fullness of the life-changing revelation of salvation.

Justice

Though I deny the view of the ocial gospel?proclaimed in many mainline Catholic, Methodist, Anglican, and other denominational churches, I am strongly convicted that for Christians o be doers of the Word, not hearers only?(James 1:22) involves living lives consistent with the messages we proclaim, including the image and character of God reflected in His Creation, especially in the natural and human worlds, and the radical peacemaking, love, and forgiveness preached by Christ.

Towards this end, I think it important for Christians to understand the continual refrain found in Scripture on serving the poor (Is. 61, Matt. 25:40), disenfranchised (including the targets of racism, socioeconomic discrimination, and age or gender bias), and needy (Luke 6:17), and to commit ourselves to pursue means to do so more and more effectively and lovingly. It is also important for Christians to examine Biblical views of stewardship and understand how those views play into, or sometimes contradict, popular views of environmentalism and conservation.

I am also convicted that, as citizens of various countries and members of various demographics, Christians must also realize that their actions have ramifications on a political scope. I believe firmly that Christians should not buy into partisan views or agendas, but rather emphasize that the political duty of a Christian is motivated by the same factors as all other duties in life: to serve God and demonstrate His character, love, and salvation to all men.

Christianity and Other Religions

I believe that other world religions represent solutions ?at best incomplete, at worst thoroughly wrongheaded ?to the emptiness of a life lived without a personal relationship with God. As such, I believe that there is some grain of truth within each religion, and the duty of Christians in dialogue with believers of other faith traditions is to, through appeal to the Holy Spirit and living Scripture (Heb. 4:12), learn to separate truth from falsehood, in order to affirm the true desires of non-Christian believers while exposing the falsity of claims to salvation or fulfillment that lie outside of Christ.

I believe that Christians ought to approach adherents of other religions with the attitude of Christ (Phil. 2:3-8): to affirm them as worthy creations of God and potential adopted children of God (Eph. 1:5), and, as a result, to approach apologetic and polemic discussions not as an exercise of intellectual or spiritual dominance ("It is a wicked prayer to ask to have someone to hate or to fear, so that he may be someone to conquer." - Augustine, City of God, IV.15), but rather as an opportunity to ive the reason for the hope that you have? with gentleness and respect?(1 Peter 3:15). Throughout such dialogues, I believe that the spirit of the true Redeemer may shine truth and light into the lives of others, drawing them to Himself.

Eschatology

I believe that the end of history, the time of the return of Christ to udge the living and the dead?(as the Apostolic Creed proclaims, from 1 Peter 4:5), is quickly approaching, and has been imminent (1 Thess. 5:2) ever since the Ascension of Christ; that, in fact, the end of history has been looming near throughout the entire age of the Church.

While I do affirm that the end of history will bring with it great torment and sorrow to those who have chosen to live in rebellion towards Christ, I believe to have received enough conviction from my personal meditation on Scripture and relationship with Christ to be significantly troubled by many popularly-held views of the End Times, especially those concerning Rapture. However, due to my theological ignorance on these matters, I am highly interested in a thorough study of the Book of Revelation, in order to further form my doctrines regarding eschatology, prophecy regarding the future, and the like.

The Christian Life

In addition to the other views I have listed above regarding living out the Christian life (in particular, Phil. 2 and Acts 2), I think that the passage in 1 Timothy 3 on the qualifications of a church deacon (v. 8-13) to be excellent guidelines, in general, for the outward actions springing from a repentant and Spirit-filled soul in this age of the Church.

[Xanga] truer words...

Billy: and not focus so much on "what can i DO to serve God today?" but more on "let me give this minute to God and see where it leads me"
Billy: or He leads me

God gives us friends and revelation; often, the two are happily conjoined.
Thanks, Bro

[Xanga] Christmas carols

...born to raise the sons of earth,
born to give them second birth.

So, I was just watching a Christmas episode of The Simpsons (among many others), and they closed with the entire town of Springfield singing "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing". It got me thinking:

What is it like for a non-Christian to sing a Christmas carol?

And don't get it twisted, like I'm thinking about the entire season in general. I understand how the "holiday season" can be a good time for all, regardless of your specific faith background. And there are songs which are just whatever whatever, like "Deck the Halls" or "Christmas in Hollis" or them likewise joints.

But what about Christmas carols, as in, the real ones? The ones which are specifically and explicitly proclaiming the birth of Christ, the son of God, born that he might die to save the world, and the sinners in it?

God and sinners reconciled

Lines like this seem like they would be less than meaningless to someone who doesn't believe in the Christian faith. And, sure, I can understand how certain melodies can be strongly evocative. But there's a mad difference between how I feel when I hear Ja Rule and Ashanti's ode to vague-commitment, "Always on Time", and a Christmas carol like "O Come All Ye Faithful," something that goes beyond my specific and individual memories of those songs, and accesses a picture of the future, not merely the past.

Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing

This is a challenge to me, too, and to all Christians. How easy is it to hear the first few bars of a melody and think, oh hey, i know this song. we used to sing it together at my kindergarten holiday party before winter break. How many times have I, shopping in the mall, heard Christmas carols blaring harshly over the intercom, and let them fade into the chatter and commotion of the background? How many times have I heard those words without listening to them?

How often do I live my life as a Christian without listening to Christ? And how much of Christmas have I let become - as the traditionalist refrain (aka the depressing view of modern Christmas) cries out - a crass celebration of modern materialism and wealth-elitism?

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;

Do we understand Joy? Do we understand that Joy and Christ are one? "Joy to the World" is not saying that there is joy to be found in the world. It is saying precisely the opposite: that Christ has come, and, in doing so, brought Joy, the antithesis of the world's happiness, into a world unprepared for it.

How easy is it to say "Joy to the World," and yet to fail to proclaim the name of that Joy! How easy to forget why it is I rejoice.

I'm not interested in no easily-spouted rhyming catchphrases like "Jesus is the reason for the season" or "without Christ there'd be no Christmas", that's not on my level: Amazing rhymes for days anyways, ya dig. But what I am interested in is this: I claim to be a Christian, and to sing

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angels' voices!

and just treat it as music is beyond foolish, it's blasphemous. For me to think of Christmas and not think first of the birth and death of Christ is to go against - and I do this mad often, so don't even think i'm tripping - everything I claim to stand for. Which I do on a daily (if not hourly) basis anyways, but that's another deal going down. Just a little self-reflection.

And for those who claim to not be Christians (or who actually are not Christians, which is prahlee identical anyways, but Rahner would have something to say about that), what joy do you find in Christmas? I'd really appreciate it if you took some time to think and wonder... why does Jesus's birth matter to a Christian? I'm sure Moonies celebrate the birth of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, and, i mean, i know people that celebrate TUPAC and ROBERT NESTA MARLEY's birthdays... but is there something different in it for Christians? Does it matter that Christ was born, beyond the fact that he started this whole Christianity ball rolling? I think it does. Why? Just a little reflection. Consider it your Christmas present to me.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

od is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail

With peace on earth, good will to men. - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, 4th stanza

For lo!, the days are hastening on,
By prophet seen of old,
When with the ever-encircling years
Shall come the time foretold
When peace shall over all the earth
Its ancient splendors fling,
And the whole world send back the song
Which now the angels sing.- It Came Upon the Midnight Clear, last stanza

[Xanga] A misinformed foray into the camp of Greek.

Especially around this time, people are always talking words about "Peace on Earth and goodwill towards men." But yo, straight up now, tell me, is that necessarily Biblical? The phrase itself, "peace on earth," appears only once in the Bible, and in this far different context: hink not that I am come to send peace on earth. I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to `set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.?(Matt. 10:34) (a verse that is, in itself, highly misunderstood and quoted. Jesus is not a justification for theologies of Empire, people).

Rather, the verse that most people are quoting is this, Luke 2:14: "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased." Nothing about peace on earth, but rather, peace among men on earth. And which men? Only the ones "with whom He is pleased"?

Whaaat?

Nah it doesn't have to be all like that though. Let's go back and break it down. The Greek of Luke 2:14 says this: "doxa en uyistoiV qew kai epi ghV eirhnh en anqrwpoiV eudokiaV."

The first three words are the phrase "glory in the highest", then "qew", that is, the dative of God, "for/to God," so, "Glory in the highest for God," or as it's usually translated, "Glory to God in the highest."

"kai" simply means "and".

"epi ghV " means "on (the) earth".

So, so far what we have is: "Glory to God in the highest, and, on the earth...". Now we fill in the last part, the big part that we're looking at: "eirhnh en anqrwpoiV eudokiaV."

"eirhnh" is a nominative, a subject, meaning "peace".

"en anqrwpoiV" is a prepositional phrase: "anqrwpoiV" is another dative, "for/to men," and "en" is a preposition whose meaning, when combined with a dative is "with", so these two words mean "with men".

"eudokiaV." This is the big one. It's a genitive singular adjective, with the base, "eudokia", meaning "will, choice, good will, benevolence, delight, favor, or desire". And it might be a descriptive genitive, modifying "eirhnh": "Peace, that of good will/favor". It might also be a genitive of means, "Peace, by means of good will, with all men." It might be one of twenty other things, man, the genitive crazy on its different uses. But the point is, it's very possible, if not likely (as far as I understand, which is highly limited) that this "peace on earth, among men" is not as broad or general as we might, in our quieter moments, desire.

I guess all that I'm saying is that we have to be real careful, as Christians, when talking reckless, running our mouths about "peace on earth." Because that is not necessarily what God, through the sacrifice of His Son, has brought about: He brought about peace on earth "en anqrwpoiV eudokiaV." And without a clear understanding of that latter phrase (which will not only rely on careful Greek, but also thorough and mature understanding of other parts of Scripture), one must be very careful when hoping for "peace on Earth," lest one's thoughts turn from "peace on Earth" to the "peace of Earth" (John 14:27).

[Xanga] Erasmus got it right?

Erasmus on the soul (psyche), the spirit (pneuma), and the flesh (sarks)


I really like his take on this. Very useful passage, if somewhat outdated.

[Xanga] "not to baptize, but to preach"

" ¹⁷For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not in wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made void." - 1 Corinthians 1:17

It is explicitly not our burden, as individual Christians, to baptize another into the church: baptism of the Holy Spirit is reserved for the saving grace of God's work through Christ's sacrifice.

Rather, what we, as Christians, are to aim for is the propagation of the knowledge of the gospel of Christ's love and sacrifice, that the work of the Holy Spirit might be sought out by those desirous of its efficacy.

[Xanga] Why I am a Christian: an excerpt from correspondence

"...My reasons in short? I think that Christianity is actually true. So I kind of have to follow it... like, if you see a rock flying at your head, that fact forces you to take action. Since I view Christianity as a fact, that fact forces me to take action - to believe.

Long story? I guess what it comes down to is that Christianity satisfies me on two different levels: intellectually and emotionally.

By that, what I mean is: intellectually, I think that Christian theology is satisfying. It provides answers to the questions that I think ought to be answered (Why does evil exist? If he were to exist, what would God be like? What happens after death? What is life? What is perfection), and only fails to provide thorough rational explanations where, I feel, thorough rational explanations are unfair to demand (e.g., explanations of infinity - the nature of God, for example, or the nature of free will - are unfair to require of a religion, or any system of thought, because, by definition, the nature of God lies outside human understanding). In fact, in such cases - where thorough rational explanations are not provided - I think Christianity still provides answers as best as we can understand them.

More importantly, however, I think that Christianity fulfills an emotional longing in me that I have been, no matter how hard I tried, unable to get rid of.

In high school, I was a pretty bitter dude. I mean, I was really smart - probably smarter than I am now - but I was just purposeless, and kind of self-centred. I wanted to be smarter, to improve myself, to become a better person... but why? Because I thought it would make me feel better.

And, you know, it did, for a while. But the thing about "becoming a better person" is that, no matter how much I improved myself physically, mentally, intellectually, whatever, I always discovered that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find security, peace, a guarantee of anything. [More to the point: these desires, I found, were recalcitrant. It would have been one thing if, confronted with the reality of my weak nature - the Nietzschean weak, not fit for the ruling class of the Strong - I could have come to accept my position. But, no matter how many times I found my desires for peace and deep, true, love stymied, I continued to desire them. This recalcitrant longing is a cornerstone of my turn to faith.]

I'd realized pretty young that other people - even those who really loved me, like my family - could be unreliable. But, oh well, cool, I still had myself. But, senior year, I had this string of events where things just went wrong, through no fault of my own. I lost - and you can dismiss this as coincidence, but i really don't feel that it was - a lot of academic competitions, college admissions, and other kinds of contests that I thought (a) were mine to lose and (b) in which I had performed well [; that is to say, I had achieved my own internal expectations, but my expectations of external rewards or achievement were discontinuous with those internal achievements]. So, second semester senior year, I was left with two choices: (1) either there was nothing upon which I could rely, not even myself, and life was meaningless, striving after, ultimately, unfulfilling goals (i.e. nihilism) or (2) there was some entity more reliable than myself, who I could trust to work for the good (i.e. theism). The journey to Christianity from there was not rapid or even immediate, but pretty straightforward. And, the more I learn about this religion, the more I think that it is true: it explains the world around me, the dreams that I have (even when they conflict with that reality of the world), and the human nature that I experience in myself...."

[Xanga] my heart

There are so many whose lives and sorrows cry out for God, and I have such little ability to reach them!

The balm of Gilead, the spring of living water, lies so far out of the reach of my fumbling tongue; out of our tongues, as Christians. I desire so greatly for those I love to receive the sweet respite I have found, but the only way I have found - that which I profess willingly and gladly to be the only way - is that which is "despised and rejected by men" (Is. 53:3). And I feel an infinitesimal portion of the sorrow of Christ, crying, "Father, forgive them! For they know not who they reject!" I cannot understand how he could bear it: that those He loved would reject Him Himself. And this is additional, added onto the physical and spiritual sufferings of Christ in His dark, lonely night. If only I could know the burdens of the suffering servant, the purity of the spotless lamb!

Can you understand? I deeply hope that you do. My sadness does not stem from an intellectual or social condescension towards those whose steps have carried them away from Christ's sacrifice, turning from the blood and water (John 19:34) flowing from the broken sin offering; I'm sorrowful over my sinful ineptitude, as I regard my foolish uselessness, as I consider my self-sustained crippling of God's Spirit. What is man, that He would choose us as agents of salvation? What am I? As men, we have turned away from our Father; and I am the worst of these wanderers, because I hear His calling and still seek ways to break free of that which has brought me life everlasting.

I desire so greatly to be a comfort to my friends, but the only advice that I have to offer, the only easement of suffering that I have found, is precisely the one that is a stumbling block, foolishness in their eyes (1 Cor. 1:23) . For my only advice is to turn and look at the Cross, and be bathed in the grace and mercy of the Lamb. And those words, save for the Spirit speaking through them, are less than nothing; they are sinful words of a sinful man. Why can't I do more; or, if as ineffective as man is, why are we still granted the awesome experience of the love of Christ flowing through us?

So, I can't - and oughtn't - stop loving my friends and being there for them, but it's so disappointing - despair-inducing, were it not for the comfort of the Comforter - that the only aid I can give them is, ultimately, insubstantial and only my own, bereft of the power of Christ save when He who is within me chooses to flow out of me. If only I could have this experience every day! If only, by prayer, fasting, lamentation, meditation, study, and devotion, I could forcibly create in myself the experience of God. But that's not how it works, nor, were it possible to make it so, would it be beneficial, in any sense, for the Spirit to be summoned like some genie in a bottle; my prayer is only that the Lord would change my heart to desire Him in every way. That he would use me, that I would have the strength and devotion to be, in every part and way, surrendered up to Him.

Oh God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

[Xanga] Epistemic grounds for the recalcitrance of sin: the impossibility of a saving self-perfection

(Please comment and critique. This is poorly and quickly written and I haven't thought through my defense of it at all yet. This is only a sketch of a theory, not a discussion yet; to fully assert this, I need to engage with opposing views, so long as they remain within the boundaries of my premises.)

Abstract: I argue that sinlessness can never be achieved by a human will, for the epistemic reason that our willing, even if both efficacious and capable of independent action, will never have a complete knowledge of our sin upon which to act.

A system of thought into which it is common to fall is that of the Pelagians: specifically, their belief that we are responsible, once our sinful condition is brought to light, for our own salvation and the accompanying purge of sinful actions from our character and nature. This proposition is commonly thought to be a heresy, and I intend here to provide an epistemological argument affirming this view of it. I have never come across this argument before, but that does not necessarily make it novel; regardless, I will either be presenting a new argument or re-presenting a classical argument in new language.

I take as premises an absolutely sinful nature, "sinful" defined as "diverging from God's will" (whether inherited as "original sin" or come-into as an "adopted maxim"), man as a willing and willful agent, the limited nature of man, and the infinite nature of God.

The intransigent nature of man is as a sinful creature, whether metaphysically inherited in our common substance or chosen willfully at some time during youth (see Psalm 51:5). The opposite is experientially untenable: I know of no one who would claim that, under the standards given in Scripture (see Matthew 5), they are or have ever come across an individual above the age of accountability who is sinless. Regardless, it is highly attractive - if not even intuitive - to assert* what I will call a "quasi-Pelagian" doctrine of salvation: that, when the reality of sinfulness is revealed to us, and, opposed to it, a Godly moral code outlined, it is possible for me to, under my own willing and through my own actions, reject that sinfulness and adopt that moral code, thereby removing the grounds for condemnation from myself and achieving some sort of standard of good living that restores me to my original condition, as I would have been pre-fall.

I disagree with "quasi-Pelagian" salvation, attractive though it may seem. This view essentially asserts two propositions: one of volition (i.e., "I can actually desire not to be sinful") and one of knowledge (i.e., "I can actually know my sinful condition"). Many arguments against this view reject it from the implausibility of volition and efficacity: that is, it is impossible for me, unaided, to actually will against committing sin (supported by Romans 7:15-16). And, even if I can desire not to sin, that desire fails to be efficacious: it fails to actually motivate me to reject sin.

However, I think that another argument can be raised against "quasi-Pelagian" salvation, grounded in the implausibility of knowledge: I find epistemic grounds for our continued existence in a sinful condition, even granting a volition to exist in a sinless condition. My reasoning is as such:

1) There exist absolute truths, and there may exist human truths.

Def.1) Absolute truths are those with layers of meaning on every level of understanding and, therefore, they cannot be fully understood by even an ideal human intellect.

Def.2) Human truths are those truths with layers of meaning only on those levels of understanding accessible to human minds: therefore, they may be understood by an ideal human intellect.

2) God is absolutely good and omniscient.
3) Man is absolutely sinful**, and not omniscient.

3b) Our sin is an absolute truth.

4) (from Def.1, 3, and 3b) Man is unable to fully understand his own sin.
5) Salvation requires a return to a fully sinless state.
6) (from 4 and 5) Man is unable to effect his own salvation.

Going point-by-point: in (1) I claim that there are absolute truths and human truths, distinguished primarily in that absolute truths cannot be grasped by even an ideal human intellect, while human truths can be. I think that this is a given, if one allows for the existence of God as infinite and man as finite: If God is infinite, there must be categories of knowledge which are available to him and not to us. Truths which fall into these categories are absolute. All other truths (if there even do exist non-absolute truths) are human truths.
In (2), I claim that God is absolutely good (which obtains, from the definition of "good" as "adhering to the will of God") and omniscient (as a premise). In (3), I claim that man is absolutely sinful and not omniscient (both premises). Because our sin is absolute, it is an absolute truth, so, (3b).
(4) follows from the definition of an absolute truth (Def.1), that man is not omniscient (3), and that our sin is an absolute truth (3b).
(5) is a claim that salvation is constituted by a restoration of the will to full concordance with God's own. I think that this is a relatively uncontroversial claim.
Finally, (6) follows from (4) and (5): since we do not know our sin fully (4), we cannot know how to reject it in full and, at best, reject it in part, which fails to satisfy (5), the criteria for salvation.

To illustrate, it may help to separate actions into four categories, along two axes: known-unknown and moral-immoral. As such, there are four kinds of actions: knowingly moral, unknowingly moral, knowingly immoral, and unknowingly immoral. As any good Calvinist would immediately say in response, we can deny the possibility of there actually existing moral actions, due to the taint of sin in our motivations. But this is not even necessary for my argument: let's imagine, for the time being, that moral actions can exist. Still, there remain the two sorts of immoral actions condemning us. Even if our will is independent and efficacious (that is, that we can actually independently will ourselves to adopt a maxim of action, and then do so), then willing to reject sinful actions only gets rid of knowingly sinful actions. There still remain those cases of unknowing sin to condemn us. Humanity, before the fall (whether a personal fall or a prehistorical fall), was in compliance in toto with the will of God, even unconsciously and uncomprehendingly (i.e. in the absolute sense). After the fall, the best possible state we can hope to achieve under our own power is less than this: we can comply with the will of God only so far as we are cognizant of it, in a human and limited, and not absolute, sense.

This is why I term sin "recalcitrant": regardless of how thoroughly an individual rejects his sin, his will still remains sinful. Self-perfection only permeates through the set of human truths; it fails to motivate (because it cannot) an alteration of one's actions motivated by the adoption of absolute truths. This is why "quasi-Pelagian" views of salvation fail to satisfy the criteria for salvation: they restore our will only partly to that of God. We still remain in unconscious and uncomprehending divergence from his will, simply because we cannot know the true richness and depth of that Godly will. The only agent that can possibly act to restore us in whole to the will of God is an agent that has two qualities: (1) transformative power in our own lives, and (2) thorough comprehension of the will and character of God.

Afterthoughts:
*And, I think, even if we do not adopt this view in our theology, it can be tempting, in our weaker moments of self-confidence, to fall prey to such denials of our deep depravity.
**By "absolutely sinful", I mean, "sinful on every level of understanding," and that requires arguing that our adoption of a sinful maxim corrupts us on every level of understanding, even those to which our intellects are insensitive.